Reason why straight didnt want dating gay

I believe in kids having a man and a woman as their parents. That is how I was brought up and they are the values my family have instilled in me I guess. I don't have anything against same sex couples having kids but it just seems unfair on the kids to me. I worry about them getting teased and bullied by other kids. School children can be very cruel..

I worry about all of these things. In terms of finding a new doctor I know I need to but keep putting it off. I never feel comfortable with doctors. They make me feel anxious. Don't know why. I also don't like talking about my mental health or personal issues with strangers so that is going to be tough..

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Family values are something that is precious to us all and no one can dictate how you should raise your kids a health professional will NOT do this. I understand and respect that you don't like to talk to strangers about how you feel. Please keep in mind that any professional you talk to is bound by law and ethics to maintain complete secrecy. When you visit, they are going to be focussing on your mental health and ensuring you are OK, they may perhaps talk about how to manage some of the emotions that are flying around inside and also the emotions that used to fly around inside.

You can choose the time to tell them you are gay, perhaps that might be after a few visits and you feel comfortable with them and they aren't a stranger anymore. Can you tell me what you'd like to gain from the forums here at Beyond Blue so we can help you achieve what you need to feel well again? What I really want to achieve is to share how I'm feeling and to gain advice and or perspective from others.

I don't expect a magical fix but I just want some guidance on what I should do in my situation.

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Ultimately it is my decision and I know that. No one can make the decision for me but at the moment it just seems too confusing and too hard to tackle so I pretend it's not there and just keep going. I wonder if any other married men can relate to my post or have been through a situation like this and are on the forum?

If so I would like to know how they got through this. I'm not after sympathy or just having a whinge I just want to hear how others would go about dealing with being gay but married to a woman. Hi Steven, hope you don't mind me joining in here and I hope my thoughts don't upset you I am now on my second marriage and a good bit older than you so I might be seeing things a bit differently but, for what it's worth, I think marriages only truly work if both partners are honestly happy and fulfilled in the marriage - and I mean honestly and I mean both.

You have much to consider and decide concerning your own life, but so does your wife - whether she knows it or not. I guess what I'm trying to say, not so subtly, is that the future of your marriage doesn't just depend on whether you as a gay man can or wants to stay with a woman.

To put it bluntly, it is equally about whether your heterosexual wife wants a gay husband, or would be happier having the freedom to find a partner who is sexually attracted to her. In my opinion, if you love her and respect her, and see her as more than just the bearer of your children, this is something you both need to consider.

I very much understand where you are coming from! I grew up in a very strongly religious family, and if I reflect I would say at some level I knew I was attracted to men probably around the same time as you. But I tried very hard to do what was expected of me, and I dated a couple of girls, and eventually married. I was married for 15 years, and have three lovely kids, who are now 13, 10 last week!

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I spent a good fraction of those 15 years in a pretty dark place and was on antidepressants about half that time. I was able to blame it even partly to myself on trying to write a PhD which I managed eventually , and on the trauma of one of my kids being very sick as an infant. But really, in that small part of me that could be honest with myself, the real problem was, like you, that I was living a lie. Eventually, I felt that I had to admit it mostly to myself , that I am gay.

I felt like I would lose everything, but once I had admitted it to myself, I told my wife the next morning. I love and respect her, and it was important to me to tell her.

We separated amicably shortly after. I told my parents a couple of days after I told my wife actually by email - they were living in the country, and I knew I couldn't do it over the phone.

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It was a good move. Time to compose your thoughts was good for me and good for them. They were very surprised, but have been a rock solid support.

Married with 2 kids but im gay and living a lie

My ex wife is an awesome woman, and although some of it has been emotionally hard for both of us, she has been constructive and understanding throughout. As I said, my parents have been awesome, and the rest of my family have been fine too. Being a part-time single parent was really hard, but as I've relaxed a bit and as the kids have grown up it has got much easier. I have a lovely partner - we've been together a couple of years, and my ex wife has a new partner too.

He's lovely and loves the kids too. I've rambled on long enough for one post, but if you want to know more about my story, I'm happy to share it. Welcome to posting on here. Thanks for sharing part of your story. I think it helps to know things can get better. I am encouraged by what has happened for you. Thanks from me as well for sharing your story. It seems that one of the important points of your experience is that you came out to yourself before you came out to others. I think that would be really important when it comes time to sharing emotions with others and dealing with some of the difficulties and questions as well.

Coming out to yourself, and accepting that this is just how you are is the hardest step, at least it was for me.

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One thing I forgot to say earlier which I think is also important is that I feared that by coming out I would lose everything, but it never occurred to me to think about what I might gain. Quite aside from feeling much less unhappy and stressed straight away in spite of the sadness and difficulties , I also discovered there are lots of men like me - who have been married but are gay. I also met lots of lovely caring people who understood where I was coming from, having experienced something similar themselves.

Several guys gave me their phone numbers very clearly saying they were not trying to hit on me, and that I should call them if I ever felt at a loss. I never needed to, but just knowing that there were people out there who understood and who cared enough to do that was a lovely encouraging thing. I have also made several wonderful friends, one in particular who is also a parent though his kid is grown up , and he comes over for dinner and the kids adore him.

He's the person I unload my worries on, and he has a fund of wisdom and experience, and a wicked twinkle in his eye. I guess the point I hope you get is that as well and the things you might lose, there are also things to be gained. I think most guys in our situation would tell you that they have gained much more than they lost in a whole-of-life view.

Hello Dr Tom. Thank you so much for your post. It made me feel a lot better and gives me some hope for the future. I would love to know more about how you explained things to your children and how they reacted. Your children are a fair bit older than mine but one of my concerns is how me coming out might impact on them.

They might want casual sex, but aren’t willing to admit it

Thank you so much for pointing out that there are positives too. I tend to focus on all the negative aspects all the time and really need to stop doing that. You're very welcome! I have found happiness I never even realised life contained. Of course, it is not the case that life suddenly becomes easy. My life long susceptibility to anxiety and depression hasn't gone away entirely, but without a doubt I'm in a vastly better place. My ex wife and I were very much in agreement that we should be up-front though age appropriate with the kids, and I think we made the right call I'll come back to that in a bit.

We sat them down and explained through our tears that I had decided that it was not right for me to be together with a woman, and if maybe I had another partner in the future it would be a man. I don't think it meant a whole lot to them then, but it laid a foundation. Only my eldest really got the gist, but as the following story suggests, it didn't really sink in.

A few months later, once I was established in an apartment near-by, my eldest asked "Dad, why do you have a double bed? I replied that the two younger kids often climbed in with me during the night and it would be a bit squashy in a single bed.

They've met several of my gay mates, and of course my partner. We don't live together, but he stays over often. The reason I reckon we made the right call, is that anecdotally, the younger the kids, the less of a deal it is.